Making stuff up

I haven't posted in a while, and that's mostly because I haven't played school secretary for quite a few months. I've recently returned to subbing, this time in a high school attendance office. Here are a few names I saw today: Jordynn, Breuna and Bryanna (could both be pronounced "Bree-ahna" but your guess is as good as mine), Alixandria, Maloree, Khaner, and Morticia. I'm not too offended by Jordynn, but I feel sorry for this kid. She (I would have been more upset if this had been a boy's name) will always have to correct the school secretary AFTER she's written "Jordan" because no one would think there is an alternate spelling for this name. Alixandria and Maloree will have the same problem. Khaner can try blurting out "with a K - and then an H - and an A instead of an O - and just one N - and then E-R. But by then the secretary will have erased a hole in the tardy slip. He just better never be late. I don't know what to say about Morticia's parents. Obviously they watched a few too many Adams Family episodes, but I think there may be a deeper, darker problem here. The name I really want to talk about today is Taje Arzenia. This is the first and middle name of a boy of African-American descent. I'm pretty sure his parents made up the name. And as I thought about the many made-up names I've seen in my school secretary days, I realized that most of them belong to African-American children. I thought about why that might be. I believe it's actually a consequence of slavery. Parents with ancestry in Europe or South America or Asia can usually trace their lineage back at least a few generations and often choose family names to pass down to their children. They usually know something of the culture of their country of origin and many of the common names used there. Slaves were ripped from their native countries and lost connection with their culture. Upon arriving in America, many were separated from their own parents and siblings. They were given American names, sometimes even the names of their masters. I'm sure it didn't long for these African-Americans to forget who they were. You can't name someone "after" someone else if you don't know who the "someone else" is. You can't give a daughter a beautiful name meaning "flower" or "flowing river" in the language of your native country if you don't know your native country. You can't give a boy a heroic name from legend if you have no legends. It's no wonder many African-Americans make up names for their children. Because I do not want to offend anyone, I will not be criticizing many made-up names on my blog. I will, however, make exceptions for the ones that can't easily be pronounced when seen or spelled when heard. No one gets a pass on these criteria! But I'm leaving Taje Arzenia alone.

Survived by...

I just read an obituary for a really nice guy (I don't know him, so I really have no idea if he was a nice guy or not), and I discovered another place to find strange and unusual names. They appear in the "survived by" part of an obituary. When someone dies, a family member lists everyone still left in the family, so you get to see a conglomeration of either normal or abnormal names that all go together. This man who died had several grandchildren, but I could tell which ones were siblings because their names all started with 'K': Khloee, Krew, Koen, and my absolute FAVORITE, Kwincee. Really? None of those names are supposed to start with 'K'. Chloe, Crew (don't know why anyone would name a kids that), Cohen (really a last name), and Quincy are the normal spellings. If the parents of these poor children wanted to give them 'K' names, there are plenty of normal names to choose from. Kimberly, Kenneth, Keith, Karen, Kyle, Kevin, Kristin - I could go on and on and on - but you get the idea. Anyway, now I have a new place to look for weird names and name spellings. If you like that kind of fun, check the obituaries in your local newspaper!

Article about baby name trends

This article was sent to me by Nate:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/20101201/sc_livescience/babynamesrevealmoreaboutparentsthaneverbefore

Enjoy! And please remember: Friends don't let friends name their babies something unpronounceable or unspellable! The secretary you save may be ME!

How Many Ways Can You Spell...

I've been collecting strange and unusual names and name spellings for a few years now, and one name stands out as having the most spellings. The name is pronounced "CAY-LEE." Check out these spellings:

First we have some that start with "C": Caelie, Cailey, Caley, Calleigh, and Caylee. Of these, only one isn't spelled the way it sounds - "Calleigh," with its double "L", should be pronounced "Cal-lee" with a short "a" sound.

And then we have the rest, all starting with "K": Kailee, Kaili, Kailie, Kayle, Kaileigh, Kaely, KaeLee, Kali, Kaeley, Khalee, Kailli, Kailey, and Kaeli. In this group, "Kayle" should be pronounced "Kale" and "Khalee" should be pronounced "Collie" like the dog, but the rest can legitimately be pronounced "Cay-lee."

I've included "Kayleigha" and "Kaleigha" in this group, but they are probably pronounced "Kay-lee-uh."

I think something should be done to standardize the spelling of this name, don't you? I'm just not sure which spelling I would choose. The name rhymes with "daily," so maybe "Caily" would be best - or "Kaily." That way a child who is asked her name could say "Caily with a C," or "Kaily with a K," and everyone would write the name correctly. Interestingly, neither of these spellings is listed above.

My name is Carol, and I have always been able to say, "My name is Carol," and people spell it right. Once in a while someone asks if there's an "e" on the end, but not very often. My sister-in-law, Karol, has to say, "Karol with a K" - but she's used to that now and doesn't really mind.

I think we need to standardize "Caily" so that, as these girls grow up, they will only have to clarify the first letter of their name and not have to spell it out every time they are asked. It will save their sanity. And it will save the substitute school secretary (ME!) from using up an entire pencil eraser every time a "Cay-lee" comes to the tardy slip line.

Do any of you have additional spellings of this name? Anything really weird? I'd love to see them!

No Way to Say it Wrong

I want to talk today about names I've found that show some parents are not only thinking, but thinking really hard about how to spell their children's names. They obviously have concerns that people won't know how to pronounce their little darlings' names, so they've added letters, taken letters away, and made up new spellings entirely - to make absolutely sure that no intelligent person can make a mistake saying them. Here are my favorites so far:

Alekzander - Most of us are used to seeing an "x" where these parents have substituted "kz." I guess they don't think we'll say the "x" sound right?

Aleesha - There's no way we would accidentally call this girl "A-lish-a" or "A-lee-see-a." Think what havoc that would cause. We simply can't have it.

Awbree - I'm not sure what was unclear about "Aubrey," are you? Maybe someone might think it was "Oh-bree" (those French people do pronounce "au" like "oh," so I guess this is a legitimate concern).

Bradlee and Kaycee - These are just a little bit silly, and I wouldn't point them out except for the fact that these names belong to BOYS and they look ever-so-slightly girlie/girleigh/girlee(?) this way...

Karlee - I know, you're thinking this is just like "Bradlee" and "Kaycee," but this is a GIRL's name. It's not so bad as a girl's name (not great - "Carly" is great), but it really points out how horrible those last two are, doesn't it?

Sharlet - Now this is awful. The name "Charlotte" is so beautiful, and these parents have ruined it. I doubt anyone of average intelligence would have difficulty pronouncing "Charlotte" correctly. But then Sharlet's parents probably assumed everyone was as "smart" as they were...

Kahleen - We wouldn't want anyone to pronounce her name "cole-een," now would we? Better make it clear we want that short "o" sound as in "pot." Looks awful, but no one will mispronounce it, by golly!

Shyanne - This is a pretty name. I'm guessing the parents wanted to name their daughter "Cheyenne" but were worried no one would know how to say that since very few people live in Wyoming or ever go there. That's understandable...

Jaykub - Really? Someone might mispronounce "Jacob?" Really?

Danyell - Supposed to be "Danielle." Go ahead. Just laugh. That's about all you can do with this one.

Samyul and Sammule - Heaven forbid someone might pronounce it "Sam-you-ELL." Took care of that problem, didn't they?

Francheska - I guess this is in case people were unaware that "c" before "i" and "e" in Italian is pronounced "ch." Like anyone would actually say her name "Fran-sess-ka." Yeah.

Izaya - I totally get this one. "Isaiah" looks really confusing with all those vowels in the middle - and lots of people have never read the Bible. Good call... (You do recognize sarcasm when you see it, right?)

Regionald (yes, that's the word "region" there at the beginning) and Ahnna - I put these two together because they are examples of names that are usually pronounced differently - "Reginald" with a short "e" and "Anna" with a short "a" - but the parents of these kids apparently WANTED them pronounced wrong and didn't want anyone to accidentally say them RIGHT!

Okay, and now (drumroll please) for the cream of the crop. The parents of these kids weren't just concerned about pronunciation. They wanted their kids' names to seem more important - so they made them last longer. One extra letter adds an extra syllable! You're going to love these:

Duwayne - has a sort of southern sound, doesn't it? "Doo-wain." Makes you want to say it nice and slow and let it ring.

Joshuwa - yes, "Joshua" has the same number of syllables, but adding that "w" makes you want to add some zest to that last syllable. That's what it does to me, anyway...

Kaiyal - believe it or not, this is a perversion of the name "Kyle." I have no explanation for this one. I can't tie my brain in enough knots to make this make sense. All I can do is laugh. Hahahahahahahahaha! I feel better now.

If you have a name to submit that fits today's category - names spelled horribly, but so there's no mistaking how to say them - please add your comment and share them!

Today's Catch

Today I worked at another school and had a chance to collect some more strange and unusual names. Again, I did not have time to view a comprehensive list of all the students in the school. If I had, I'm sure I would have found even more weird ones. For today's post, I've divided the names I found into categories:

Creative spelling, pronounceable, but still VERY wrong:

Allon (Alan)
Gabriellah (Gabriella)
Makaylah (McKayla - I will have more to say about this name)
Kaetlynn (Caitlin)
Ayrek (Eric - believe it or not)
Mahlee(Molly - really?)
Alleque (could this be "Alec?")

Creative misspelling, rendered unpronounceable:

Rachele - going for "Rachelle," but missing an "l," so we should pronounce it "Ra-sheel"
Chaise - I think they were trying for "Chase," but the addition of the "i" makes it the french word for "chair," which is pronounced "shez." I doubt that's what Chaise's parents were going for...
Aliccia - Probably "Alicia," but with that extra "c" we should say "A-lee-chia" - as in "Capuccino"
Kamie - I think this is supposed to be short for "Camille" - or in this case "Kamille" - and pronounced "Kam-ee" with a short "a" sound as in "cat," but with only one "m" we should pronounce this name "cay-mee."

Named after a tree:

Alder Blu
Willow

Named after a celebrity:

Keanu (there will probably be a lot of these in the coming years...)
KC Sunshine (parents were possibly smoking some '70s-era weed when they came up with this)

Just plain strange made-up names:

Ajayi
Kiss'shonna
Allazai
Ortis
Kylien
Moniquereach
Samaiyah
JaLisa
A'nonyah Aaliyah

Huh? If any of you have explanations for the above names, please let me know!

Hope you enjoyed these. Keep in mind this represents a sampling of a SMALL sample of names in ONE school. Feel sorry for the teachers. Feel REALLY sorry for the poor substitute secretary if even a few of these kids were late today...

I am always looking for more names to add to my collection, so if you see one that makes you laugh or causes you to wince, send it in!

A Sample of Insanity

Just to give you an idea of how ridiculous parents have gotten in naming their children, here are some names I pulled from a list of students at ONE school yesterday. Mind you, I only had time to look at about 10% of the kids' names. When I was a kid, there may have been one or two kids in my whole school with what I considered to be weird names. This list shows just how insane things have become:

Makeila, Lydea, Mishel, Asiaa, Naudya, Mackenzi, Julya, Mariyah, KaShayla, Paizlee, Kailli, Talaysia, Amaiya, Turin, Shawnia, Lunder, Kaydance, Domanick, Siarah, and Eadaoin.

Some of these are perfectly good names if you just hear them spoken aloud and don't have to look at them. "Michelle," for instance, is a very normal name. "Nadia," "Julia," and "Dominic" - also very nice names. Even "Sierra" and "Cadence" are names most people have heard. But the way they are spelled makes me a little crazy.

"Asiaa" is an example of the thinking that if one vowel is good, two of the same vowel in a row is better. I can understand the reasoning behind placing two a's are at the beginning of a business name in order to get prime placement in the phone book - as in "Aabsolutely A-1 Antiques" - but at the end of a first name, those two a's make no sense.

"Talaysia," "KaShayla," and "Lunder," I'm pretty sure, are made-up names. It's generally a bad idea to give your kid a made-up name, and I'll write more about that later. But at least Talaysia's, KaShayla's, and Lunder's parents made their names pronounceable - tuh-lay-zhia, kuh-shay-luh, and lun-der. I have to give them credit for that.

"Turin" - really? You named your kid after a burial shroud?

Wasn't "Paisley" unusual enough as a name? Did you have to spell it weird, too?

I met the little girl named "Shawnia" in person. She pronounces her name the same way Shania Twain pronounces her name. I wondered - if you're going to name your child after a celebrity, why don't you spell the name the same so people will realize that's where you got it? (Not that I approve of Shania's parents' choice in spelling...)

I'll come back later to "Makeila," "Mackenzi," and "Kailli." I could write a book on these three names alone - you wouldn't believe what I've seen...

No comment for now on the rest of the names in the above list. I think you get the idea that I will never run out of material for this blog. The insanity is just beginning. Stay tuned, especially those of you who haven't yet procreated. The school secretary you save from pulling her hair out may be ME!