No Way to Say it Wrong

I want to talk today about names I've found that show some parents are not only thinking, but thinking really hard about how to spell their children's names. They obviously have concerns that people won't know how to pronounce their little darlings' names, so they've added letters, taken letters away, and made up new spellings entirely - to make absolutely sure that no intelligent person can make a mistake saying them. Here are my favorites so far:

Alekzander - Most of us are used to seeing an "x" where these parents have substituted "kz." I guess they don't think we'll say the "x" sound right?

Aleesha - There's no way we would accidentally call this girl "A-lish-a" or "A-lee-see-a." Think what havoc that would cause. We simply can't have it.

Awbree - I'm not sure what was unclear about "Aubrey," are you? Maybe someone might think it was "Oh-bree" (those French people do pronounce "au" like "oh," so I guess this is a legitimate concern).

Bradlee and Kaycee - These are just a little bit silly, and I wouldn't point them out except for the fact that these names belong to BOYS and they look ever-so-slightly girlie/girleigh/girlee(?) this way...

Karlee - I know, you're thinking this is just like "Bradlee" and "Kaycee," but this is a GIRL's name. It's not so bad as a girl's name (not great - "Carly" is great), but it really points out how horrible those last two are, doesn't it?

Sharlet - Now this is awful. The name "Charlotte" is so beautiful, and these parents have ruined it. I doubt anyone of average intelligence would have difficulty pronouncing "Charlotte" correctly. But then Sharlet's parents probably assumed everyone was as "smart" as they were...

Kahleen - We wouldn't want anyone to pronounce her name "cole-een," now would we? Better make it clear we want that short "o" sound as in "pot." Looks awful, but no one will mispronounce it, by golly!

Shyanne - This is a pretty name. I'm guessing the parents wanted to name their daughter "Cheyenne" but were worried no one would know how to say that since very few people live in Wyoming or ever go there. That's understandable...

Jaykub - Really? Someone might mispronounce "Jacob?" Really?

Danyell - Supposed to be "Danielle." Go ahead. Just laugh. That's about all you can do with this one.

Samyul and Sammule - Heaven forbid someone might pronounce it "Sam-you-ELL." Took care of that problem, didn't they?

Francheska - I guess this is in case people were unaware that "c" before "i" and "e" in Italian is pronounced "ch." Like anyone would actually say her name "Fran-sess-ka." Yeah.

Izaya - I totally get this one. "Isaiah" looks really confusing with all those vowels in the middle - and lots of people have never read the Bible. Good call... (You do recognize sarcasm when you see it, right?)

Regionald (yes, that's the word "region" there at the beginning) and Ahnna - I put these two together because they are examples of names that are usually pronounced differently - "Reginald" with a short "e" and "Anna" with a short "a" - but the parents of these kids apparently WANTED them pronounced wrong and didn't want anyone to accidentally say them RIGHT!

Okay, and now (drumroll please) for the cream of the crop. The parents of these kids weren't just concerned about pronunciation. They wanted their kids' names to seem more important - so they made them last longer. One extra letter adds an extra syllable! You're going to love these:

Duwayne - has a sort of southern sound, doesn't it? "Doo-wain." Makes you want to say it nice and slow and let it ring.

Joshuwa - yes, "Joshua" has the same number of syllables, but adding that "w" makes you want to add some zest to that last syllable. That's what it does to me, anyway...

Kaiyal - believe it or not, this is a perversion of the name "Kyle." I have no explanation for this one. I can't tie my brain in enough knots to make this make sense. All I can do is laugh. Hahahahahahahahaha! I feel better now.

If you have a name to submit that fits today's category - names spelled horribly, but so there's no mistaking how to say them - please add your comment and share them!